Chaotic Control

Chaos seems to be all my brain ever knows. I can't sleep because there's always too much to think about. I can't enjoy the time I have to enjoy because there's always something else I could be doing. I can't think about something that's important for me too long because so many things are important to me that I can't keep my mind on just one of them.

This issue is nothing new, of course. I'm just for some reason more aware of it at the moment. I know how to change it, but It's not something I can change chemically, or through a medicine. I could try, but it would just be a cover up of the real problem. It's just scary to try because I don't know how I'll come out on the other end of it, and hope that it doesn't change who I am at the core. I don't think it will, but you never know. Change isn't always predictable.

So as a forewarning to all of my friends, if my behavior is... abnormal for me, please bear with me. If it's a change that you really don't like, please don't hesitate to tell me. It's difficult to rewire my thought process and takes a lot of conditioning that you can't see the direct process of. But trust me, I'm doing what I can to move towards a better way of thinking for myself.

Because that's what I want. Out of desire to have more control over my life and how I think and act. I Love all of you, and if you have questions about it feel free to ask. It's going to be an interesting few months.