New Years is a tradition that has been going since the Roman Empire. The new calendar year is seen as a fresh start. A new chapter in life with which to gain experiences and knowledge. Many celebrate this holiday simply because it's something to celebrate. Many celebrate it as a means to reflect back at the year they had before, and look forward to a new one. Personally, I don't care about New Years. Though this in itself raised an important question on the holiday: Do I celebrate anything?
Why do we celebrate? Should I celebrate anything? Most of my friends know that there really isn't much of anything that gets me excited. This is rooted in a plethora of strange psychological problems that have been detailed in previous blog posts, but at least I am beginning to understand it. I have always believed and said that life is what you make it. Is it really as simple as saying "I'm going to celebrate this because I can."?
Is this even a change that I want to make? Well, I can't be certain. A lot of things changed this last year and I am no longer the same person I used to be. Thankfully I can say this is a rather good thing. I enjoy life a lot more than I used to, and have become much more open minded because of it.
I don't know where I'll be next year, just like I didn't know where I'd be this year around this time last year. While it's easy to sit and reflect on where I've been, it's still difficult for me to look forward and try to live in the moment. I still have problems to sort out, and I'm working every day to fix them. Things aren't easy in my head, especially when the situation I live in is not even close to the one I'd like to be in.
But I can't sit around and wait for things to change anymore. I can't be afraid to get out of my bubble and try new things. There's no telling where my life will lead me, but I'll walk every step without fear of it taking me somewhere I don't want to be. Not because I don't fear, but because I've learned to accept where life takes me regardless of the outcomes. We learn to appreciate things when we are devoid of feeling them. Home is not home if we have never left it.
Most importantly, you can never know your true potential if you stick with what you already know. Who knows, maybe you're a prodigy at something you never thought you'd be good at. Would you know if you never tried it? It seems cliche and canned to say these things, but I'm beginning to truly understand what that means. There are only a handful of people in my life that have truly helped me change who I am for the better.
As silly as it seems, that quote is absolutely true. Despite the best efforts of my family to change who I am, it never worked. They didn't give me reason to change who I am. They just told me that I needed to change. As sad as it is to say, I've never really felt like they offered me much in the way of looking towards the world. In fact, it's more safe to say that they've held me back from it.
I don't like this fact, and it's terribly difficult to deal with. But I still seek to find the world I know is out there for me to love. That's up to me to find, not them. It would just have been nice to feel like they were part of that world I wanted to be in. At the moment, I can't say that's true. Things will most likely change, and hardships will be faced which will help me appreciate them more of this I have no doubt.
But for the time being, I must face the world with the couple people who have really made me want to move forward and face the world. I'm incredibly thankful for them and hope I can give them as much as they've given me. I won't have much to give back though, if I don't find my true potential, and that's what drives me to be the best I can be. So here's to a new year. A brighter future. A new life!